Two tools to help navigate interactions with a stressful boss: Mindset and Proactivity

I’ve spoken with several colleagues this past week regarding frustration points they are hitting at work. The frustration was stemming from negative interactions with their boss; being micromanaged, having their decision authority stomped on, being left feeling undervalued and not trusted to lead their own teams. Hearing their stories, most of this transpired during one on one or group conversations with their peers and their boss. The good news is, you can prepare for and successfully navigate stressful conversations with your boss. Shifting how you view stress and proactively preparing for stress will help you work through those interactions and successfully lead your team.

Throughout the conversations I shared insights gained from research and experiences to give them actionable tools to shift their perspective and to prepare to navigate future interactions. Feeling like you are unsure of the path ahead? Read on to get an outlook on a different direction to take.

1. MINDSET

Assessing the stressor: Handling stress is a three step process. a) Is the stress a threat to you or a challenge to be overcome? b) What are your options for responses to the threat or challenge? c) Execute your chosen response.

When you find yourself engaged in a difficult interaction with your boss try positioning your approach to it as a challenge to be overcome vs a threat to you. Remember what you can control (your response, your demeanor, your choice to disengage, your follow-on behaviors, etc.). Then make time to reflect and plan how you’ll overcome these challenging interactions. Stay in tune with yourself; your emotions, your body language, your physical reactions in the moment and following the interaction. Self-assessment will help to identify what’s happening in the moment. Once you identify that, then you can take proactive measures to prepare for future interactions.

2) PROACTIVITY

Proactive Coping: There are actions to take in order to get ahead and stay ahead of the stress when working through interpersonal conflict with your boss. It is all about maximizing your resources. The two most impactful resources are your time and your network. a) Make time in your day to think, plan, read, and focus. These intentional actions will help you better understand yourself, giving you opportunity to become more self-aware. It will also build your strategy and prepare for those upcoming interactions with your boss. If possible give yourself a few extra minutes before a meeting with your boss to organize your thoughts, visualize your success, and take a deep breath! b) Leveraging your network. Seek out trusted colleagues to be a sounding board, give you feedback on your interactions, and build space to collaborate on solutions. Seeking insights from your network will help you gain an awareness of the impact you may be having on others.

Working through interpersonal conflict is never easy. Maintaining the willingness to try can be a struggle. Once you position your mindset to see stressors as a challenge and you incorporate proactive coping behaviors to get ahead of workplace stressors, you can open yourself up to continued growth and mastery of these crucial abilities. Put these habits into practice and you will find yourself well prepared to take on the most difficult conversations with your boss.

References:

Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. New York: Springer.

Ramey, W. (2021). Disrupting the Trickle-Down Effect of Abusive Supervision: A Cognitive Approach to Countervailing Leadership Outcomes. www.proquest.com

Schwarzer, R., & Taubert, S. (2002). Tenacious goal pursuits and striving toward personal growth: Proactive coping. In E. Frydenberg, Beyond coping: Meeting goals, visions and challenges (pp. 19–35). London: Oxford University Press.